This year I promised myself to be more fashionable, to dress proper, to wear clothes other than PJ’s and make an effort to look presentable. I want to be the best version of myself this year and that isn’t possible if I continue to dress like a hobo (nothing against hobos, y’all great). For years I had a habit of dressing poorly, wearing things that basically covered and hid my body. Especially when I gained a whole lot of weight a few years ago. I was very ashamed and hated my body and it didn’t help that I suffered greatly from my body dis-morphia and I was diagnosed with lipedema (check out my posts for more info). My fashion choices represented the way I felt on the inside, disgusting, ugly, fat to name a few. For a long time I was very cruel to myself, I felt like I didn’t belong in my body and hated on myself on the daily. In my head I looked completely different to what I actually saw in the mirror every day and that made me very sad. Even before I gained so much weight I just couldn’t shake the feeling that I felt fat, and out of proportion. It helped getting my lipedema diagnose and it also helped that I researched about body dysphoria though the best thing I did yet was confront my mindset. I finally decided just to accept myself as who I am and love myself from the inside out. And you know what? Things got better, I felt better. I kept telling myself that if I can love myself being overweight, then I can definitely love myself if Im not. Though I was worried that if I lost weight I still wouldn’t love myself. That´s were the mindset part comes in. I didn’t want to loose weight, instead I wanted to become strong, feel strong, be healthy, be happy, be positive, I wanted to love myself and life. After much research and planning I decided to join my local gym, I adapted a ketogenic diet, implemented intermittent fasting, I practiced mindfulness and meditated daily. I became more mindful and started to notice and enjoy the small things in life. I became more calm and felt I was connecting to my inner self more and more. A wonderful side effect was that I lost a lot of weight even though that wasn’t my main intention. Nevertheless I was happy about it, I felt light and I felt more myself than I had ever been. Feeling so great encouraged me to experiment with fashion again. I have always liked and admired fashion but also found it a little daunting as I generally like the more unique/obscure/alternative fashion which makes me stand out more than the average person. The idea made me feel insecure like I a scared doe staring into the headlights of a massive pick up truck. But you know what? I stopped caring what others thought, because that wasn’t important. What I cared about was important, and I wanna wear whatever I want! Waw that got quite deep. Life aint perfect and I still struggle but Im definitely in a better head-space than before. Everybody hurts, sometimes as R.E.M quotes.